Is your partner coercively controlling you?

Everyone argues from time to time. However, if there is a consistent pattern of behaviour from your partner that intimidates, upsets, hurt, harms, demeans or prevents you from making your own decisions, your partner may be using coercively controlling behaviour.

Answers these questions:

  • Does you partner stop you from seeing friends or family?
  • Do they go through your phone or e-mails?
  • Does your partner make you check in with them when you go somewhere?
  • Does your partner tell you what to wear?
  • Does your partner tell you who you can see or speak to?
  • Does your partner criticise or undermine you?
  • Does your partner prevent you from doing things?
  • Does your partner make you feel bad about yourself or your life?
  • Do you have to ask permission to do things?
  • Does your partner check up on you, follow you or monitor you either in real life or online?
  • Does your partner regularly accuse you of flirting, looking at others or cheating on them?
  • Is your partner jealous or controlling?
  • Do you ever change your behaviour as you are afraid of what your partner will do?
  • Do they prevent you from sleeping or taking medication?
  • Do they pressure you to drink or take substances?
  • Do they pressure you to have sex with them or others?
  • Do they make you do things of a sexual nature that hurt your or make you feel bad?
  • Does your partner make the rules and regulations and micro manage you?
  • Has your partner prevent you from taking medicine or seeking medical help?
  • Has your partner threatened to take the child(ren) away?
  • Has your partner tried to stop you leaving the house?
  • Has your partner ever destroyed your possessions?
  • Have you ever been afraid of your partner at any time?
  • Does your partner prevent you from being in education or employment?
  • Does your partner take the money you earn?
  • Does your partner refuse to let you access a bank account?
  • Does your partner control how and when money is spent?
  • Does your partner dictate what you can buy?
  • Does your partner make you ask for money or provide an allowance?
  • Does your partner check your receipts or bank statement?
  • Does your partner make you justify each purchase?
  • Does your partner control the use of property such as phone or car?
  • Does your partner insist all economic assets (e.g savings, house) are in their name?
  • Does your partner keep financial information secret?
  • Does your partner steal your money or property?
  • Do they cause damage to your property?
  • Does your partner refuse to contribute to household costs?
  • Do they spend money needed for household items or bills?
  • Do they build up debt in your name?
  • Do they insist all bills, credit cards & loans are in your name and make you pay for them?

If you answer ‘yes’ you may be being abused.

Answer the DASH Risk Checklist questions here


For further help and information:
If you are in the UK and being stalked, you can call:
Paladin National Stalking Advocacy Service 0203 866 4107

Call the 24hr freephone National Domestic Violence Helpline which on 0808 2000 247 24 hours a day, 7 days a week

Surviving Economic Abuse


If you are in the US, you can call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline on 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)


If you are in Australia, you can call 1800 Respect, the National Sexual Assault and Family and Domestic Violence Counselling Service on 1800 737 732

Other Australia wide services are available including Kids Helpline, Lifeline, Mensline and No To Violence:

If you are in immediate danger call 000